


Supermarket Commercial Star

by Midnight On Saturn (Austyn_Layne)



Category: Original Work
Genre: Boredom, Crisis of Faith, Descent into Madness, Existential Crisis, Fame, Flash Fic, Microfic, Modern Era, Modern stupidity, Musical References, Nihilism, Nonsense, Original Character(s), Original Fiction, Other, Pop Culture, Slice of Life, Social Media, Stupidity, Symbolism, This Is STUPID, celebrity worship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-15
Updated: 2019-02-15
Packaged: 2019-10-29 00:27:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17797604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Austyn_Layne/pseuds/Midnight%20On%20Saturn
Summary: You never know what deals you can find at the supermarket.





	Supermarket Commercial Star

Tommy strolled through the aisles of the supermarket; The wobbly wheel of the buggy mixing with the shopping friendly muzak that wafted out of the speakers that hung from above like angels of mundane bliss.  
Chips, sodas, bread.and pasta. Same old same old.

"What did I forget to put on my list?"

Tommy seemed to just walk like a zombie. In circles,in circles.

"Faces seem to be repeating. Maybe I've seen them before, maybe I don't know. "

The smiles, the music, the buggy wheel, Just seemed to make Tommy go blank.

"Maybe I just need chips, maybe I don't need anything. Maybe I'm trying to feed something... I forget... I should check my list again. "

Then, Tommy saw something that caught his eye; a little booth by the bakery, It sat below the flickering florescent lights, Kinda hidden off by the restrooms.

Tommy read a sign that caught his wandering eye.

" _ **Be a star make a 1 minute commercial in our 'starmaker' booth.**_ "

Tommy seemed interested in being a big ' _supermarket commercial star_ ' he saw the small line that began to form, and he laughed to himself.

"Oh my God these folks really think they can make it as a 'smcs'? I doubt it." Tommy laughed.

The little hidden booth had a tiny screen where you could watch the current occupant make their minute vid.

"Who's this ass-clown?"

It was a man with a big moon face, blowing on a harmonica: his jowls flapping as he rocked out like some washed up 90s one hit wonder. His jingle was kinda catchy.

_"You don't have to steal,_   
_Get the best deals,_   
_Get savings that are real,_   
_Shop at the market,_   
_Hometown supermarket. "_

Tommy almost pissed his fucking pants,  
as he watched the man's face blow up like a big red balloon from the $1 rack, between lyrics blowing on his gas station harmonica half-assed, and at the end using his two pointers like fake guns shooting at the screen and saying.

' _you know you got a winner... you know who? this guy, yup this guy._ ' Then blowing invisible smoke from his finger-guns.

"That ass-clown! I swear, listening to that was ear-assault - no -  _ear-rape_... the next one has to be better." Tommy said as he shook his head and bit his lip so hard he drew blood.

Tommy about ate his words when he saw some neo-hipster-retro-grunge-gypsy enter the 'star maker booth' with God-damned finger cymbals... and her jingle went.

" _Best deals around,_  
 _* **clank clank** *_  
 _Get on down,_  
 _Join, the town,_  
 _Gather round_  
 _* **clank clank** *_  
 _Let's feed the bank,_  
 _And give thanks,_  
 _At hometown supermarket_  
 _* **clank clank** *_  
 _Come on and join the savings ranks._  
 _Feed your soul ,_  
 _And your bank._ "

"God, I didn't think it could get worse but look here I am."   
Tommy said to himself as he watched the end of the hipster-gypsy and her final wild hair whip and ' _nameste'_ greeting saying.

'No matter what we're all winners.' Then finally, taking a long _self-centered_ dramatic pause.

"Good lord! What the hell?  
And this, load of crap, these folks I know ain't gotta life."  
Tommy said to himself as two guys with a selfie-stick started recording themselves in front of the 'Star maker booth' saying.

"Hey yall, here's what's up, we're about to win this - believe us - it's in the bag bitches. Look, look See our swag ain't none of these folks got what we got... make sure to like and share and subscribe. We're going in stars and coming out super-novas ."

"God gag me. This just might make me vomit." Tommy growled under his hot breath.

Well, as he waited to hear from the dudes, a young lady stood in front of the booth and was making a pitch staring into her smartphone saying:

"Hey everybody, it's your girl Rea, I still need a few hundred more to reach my go-fund-me goal come on everyone this 'commercial star' thing has 2 more weeks.  
And I need to look good if I'm gunna be the new face of 'hometown supermarket'.  
Let's make this happen, yall!"(tapping her Target clearance bin ringed fingers to her palm).

Just as she finished her pitch, a lady that worked at the bakery (making minimum wage ) shouted."you got $50 from me girl, I'll help get you to the top and get the crew to pitch in a few dollars. Don't worry girl, I got your back."

Tommy couldn't believe the crap he was hearing. ' _Seriously_ ' he thought. _'bakery workers were going to give their hard earned money to a bunch of go-fund-me leeches to buy new clothes and stuff, for a damn commercial pitch?'_

Anyway, the two dudes made their pitch for the commercial. And it went like this:

" _Best deals,_  
 _Hometown,_  
 _Homegrown,_  
 _Get in the zone,_  
 _Get ya shop on,_  
 _Get ya save on,_  
 _Hometown supermarket,_  
 _If it's not hometown,_  
 _Then it's not homegrown._  
 _Best deals,_  
 _Gotta keep it real._  
 _Shop hometown supermarket_  
 _That's hometown supermarket_. "

Tommy couldn't believe the screen this time.They kept framing their faces with their hands and saying 'stars, stars' it was just plain ridiculous and mother-fucking cheesy.

Then, as he tried to get his sense of sanity back, he realized he just missed the Elvis impersonator and caught the very end of a dude saying ' _thank you hometown supermarket thank you thank you very much._ '

Tommy was glad he missed it, he might have burst out in uncontrollable laughter.

Well Tommy's chance was almost here, when one of the floor crew came by with his broom and started dancing with it then saying:

"Hey folks, y'all wanna be hometown supermarket market commercial stars!?"

Tommy thought it was a bit over the top,  
And then right as he was about to enter the booth the floor person's broom flew into the booth by accident - but the guys mind was on other things, and was off to clean the restrooms.

And now finally it was Tommy's turn -  
He took a deep breath, and entered the booth. It was Tommy's time to shine and become a ' _supermarket commercial star_ '. And didn't even realize the broom at his feet.

**The end**

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you've enjoyed.


End file.
